As a therapist in training, I have noticed that a lot of people struggle with saying no. When working with clients, I often talk about the short term gain and long term pain associated with not saying no. In the moment, it is often easier to say no because it avoids the discomfort of confrontation and the guilt many people feel when they turn someone down. In the long run, however, not saying no often creates additional burdens and can lead to feelings of resentment.

When working with clients who struggle with saying no, I use a worksheet that was developed by one of my idols, Marsha Linehan, and it teaches folks certain questions that they should consider when deciding whether to say yes or no to a request. As someone who does struggle at saying no, especially when I can add a line to my vita, I too have referred back to this list of questions and still have difficulty saying no. The question that I get stuck with every time, relates to whether the person making the request is in a position of authority over you.

I take this tangent full circle, back to the life of a graduate student. As a student, I get many requests from faculty, deans, and other staff at the University. At this point in the semester, I really should not be taking on any additional projects or responsibilities at this time; however, as a graduate student, do I even have the choice to say no?